


If Deadpool was a Magical Girl Anime

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Magical Girl Tropes, Parody, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 21:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14962257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: Just a short humor drabble where Deadpool finds himself facing Magical Girl Tropes from Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura and that type of thing.





	If Deadpool was a Magical Girl Anime

"Wow," said Wade as he appeared in a pink dress with fluffy wings over his Deadpool costume while a cheerful hopeful song in Japanese about killing and being killed then resurrected and the power of friendship played in the background. "I am Wade Wilson and sometimes I am a superhero named Deadpool. I really have no idea why the opening of this fic is like this unless the author has a brain disease.

"Oh, look, there's a pretty blue title card called 'Deadpool and the Grumpy Familiar.' What?" said Wade.

Wade woke up to an alarm. "Oh, it was all a dream?" he said.

Vanessa poked her head in. "I have to go to work early because I have to set up the bar."

"OK, then I'll do the laundry," said Wade. After he got dressed for staying inside, he turned to the fourth wall and said, "You may be wondering why I look like this, like a mottled plastic doll that the bully from Toy Story used his magnifying glass on, well, I was experimented on by a bunch of creeps that I killed. Vanessa is the magnificent girlfriend who ignores the fact that I look like the top side of the inside of a pizza box when the delivery driver hits a pothole speeding his way to get here." 

After breakfast, he saw a book on a shelf start to glow as if to tell him to pick it up. "Oh, is this plot related?"

He picked it off the shelf and opened it only for a magic glowing circle appeared below his feet. Instead of pages, he saw a stack of what reminded him of large tarot cards. Once, he took the top one off, the rest of the cards flew out of the book.

After the cards disappeared, a cyborg doll the size of one's hand appeared, floating near the book. "I am the guardian of the book and the cards that are inside of them." He turned to the book and said, "Where are the goddamn cards?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? Are you some kind of toy?" Wade put down the book and grabbed him and poked him with his finger and said, "Where's the batteries? Where's the switch? Action figure tech has gotten really amazing lately."

"Let go of me, asshole!" The small doll jumped out of his grasp and turned into a large human-sized cyborg. "I'm not a toy!"

"You're going to ask me to help you find those cards, aren't you?" Wade said.

"You lost them in the first place."

"Are you demanding I be on a quest of self-discovery and empowerment? Or is this one of these stories where it's about suffering and deconstruction of the whole genre? Do I get a pretty pink wand? Do I have a catch phrase and a pose? What's your name?"

"My name is Cable. I don't know about any of this other stuff."

"Do you say 'Metal Arm Power?'"

"What? No!"

"I don't know where the cards went but I do know one person who can totally help us track them down."

"Who?"

"Her name is Domino. Her major talent is luck. If we need to find something, I'm sure she'll somehow have things turn out that we can find them. I'll call her over."

"If we must," growled the unhappy familiar. 

"I must say I'm sad that you're not a fluffy cat or dog."

Cable facepalmed.

***

"Deadpool Magic Makeup!" yelled Wade before he began spinning around so his clothes came off, leaving him naked, and his Deadpool costume magically came on.

"You don't need to say those words!" snapped Cable. "And this whole spinning clothes changing thing is unnecessary."

"But it's fun," said Wade.

"Speak for yourself," said Domino, who was sitting at a nearby table, drinking coffee. 

"Where's my magic wand? I mean other than the one on my crotch."

Cable turned to Domino. "Can you be the magical person instead?"

"No, man, you're stuck with him," said Domino. 

"Oh, come on guys, it could be worse. We could be Power Rangers," said Wade.

Cable turned back to Domino. "Please." 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I'd actually watch a Deadpool tackle Magical Girl Tropes for real. 
> 
> Plotwise, it's like the first episode of Cardcaptor Sakura though the tropes he mentions are from other Magical Girl animes.


End file.
